Thursday, January 27, 2011

Holy deal!!

So after my third contact in a row tore in my eye this week I found myself without any contacts left! I have an astigmatism in both eyes so my contacts are a bit pricey, being a {at times} bargain shopper I went on the hunt for the best deal for my contacts! My sweet co-worker and good friend told me about so I checked it out and let me tell you... if you need contacts, glasses, or even sunglasses you will thank me for telling you about them! Everywhere I tried wanted around $67 a box for my contacts, so a years supply would have been $268... I ordered a years supply from for $108!!! You get free shipping on orders over $99 and they are way quick to get to you!

A great deal I just couldn't keep to myself! :)

Monday, January 24, 2011

Don't Judge...the most honest post I've written

My life has been crazy the past few months. I have done things that I'm not proud of that have ruined friendships, which makes it that much harder. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to mistakes I've made. I will be the first to tell you that I'm a bad Mom, I'm late to everything, I'm not perfect. I have lost sight of so many things in my life. So many things. I have been in a horrible depression since I had my miscarriage in July. Depression is an ugly thing. I knew what I was feeling, but instead of taking the bull by the horns and doing something about it I decided to go in a downward spiral and make matters worse. It kills me to know that my due date is in 2 days. I try to think positively about the whole situation, but the thoughts that haunt my mind are what I did wrong to cause this... though I know these things happen and nothing could have prevented this. I hate that I took my depression and pushed people away, and did hurtful things. I hate the person I have been. I can't tell you the last time I've been to church. I justified this because I don't feel very welcome in my "new" {we are going on 8 months in this house} ward. What a horrible example I've been to my children. So many times I've found myself wanting to say a prayer, feel comforted, but didn't feel worthy of that. I'm so ashamed at myself for my actions over the past 6 months. Then it hit me...
I CAN change. The Lord has a plan, and the atonement is for EVERYONE, not just for everyone BUT me. I know my road will be a long one. I know that I will go through times where I feel sad and lonely, but it's do or die time.
I hope those I've offended read this. I hope they realize that I am trying... it's hard to change when your past is a constant reminder. I truly am sorry that the friendships that have been ruined are over. I'm sorry that I wasn't stronger, that I didn't have more faith, that I wasn't a better person. Hopefully forgiveness will happen and the hurt and pain will leave.
I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm not scared, because I am, but I'm more scared of what I will become if I don't follow through with my changes. Already I see such a difference in my family and in my relationship with Bry. I'm thankful for that.
I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to repent of the things I have done and put the past behind me. I'm hopeful that my future will be bright and full of friends that love me for me and stand by me through everything. I know that what I have to do is going to take a lot of work on my part, but I know that it will be worth it in the end...