Don't Judge...the most honest post I've written

My life has been crazy the past few months. I have done things that I'm not proud of that have ruined friendships, which makes it that much harder. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to mistakes I've made. I will be the first to tell you that I'm a bad Mom, I'm late to everything, I'm not perfect. I have lost sight of so many things in my life. So many things. I have been in a horrible depression since I had my miscarriage in July. Depression is an ugly thing. I knew what I was feeling, but instead of taking the bull by the horns and doing something about it I decided to go in a downward spiral and make matters worse. It kills me to know that my due date is in 2 days. I try to think positively about the whole situation, but the thoughts that haunt my mind are what I did wrong to cause this... though I know these things happen and nothing could have prevented this. I hate that I took my depression and pushed people away, and did hurtful things. I hate the person I have been. I can't tell you the last time I've been to church. I justified this because I don't feel very welcome in my "new" {we are going on 8 months in this house} ward. What a horrible example I've been to my children. So many times I've found myself wanting to say a prayer, feel comforted, but didn't feel worthy of that. I'm so ashamed at myself for my actions over the past 6 months. Then it hit me...
I CAN change. The Lord has a plan, and the atonement is for EVERYONE, not just for everyone BUT me. I know my road will be a long one. I know that I will go through times where I feel sad and lonely, but it's do or die time.
I hope those I've offended read this. I hope they realize that I am trying... it's hard to change when your past is a constant reminder. I truly am sorry that the friendships that have been ruined are over. I'm sorry that I wasn't stronger, that I didn't have more faith, that I wasn't a better person. Hopefully forgiveness will happen and the hurt and pain will leave.
I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm not scared, because I am, but I'm more scared of what I will become if I don't follow through with my changes. Already I see such a difference in my family and in my relationship with Bry. I'm thankful for that.
I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to repent of the things I have done and put the past behind me. I'm hopeful that my future will be bright and full of friends that love me for me and stand by me through everything. I know that what I have to do is going to take a lot of work on my part, but I know that it will be worth it in the end...

Duck Soap

I realized lately that my kids are pretty funny and I need to be documenting this for later in life when I need good blackmail stories to tell! :)

A few weeks ago we were at the store and I remembered I needed dish soap so we go down the aisle and I grab the soap. When we got home I unloaded our groceries and Giovanni decided to help me. He gets the soap out and in the happiest voice EVER he says, "Ohhhh good Mom, you bought the duck scented soap again!" Yep, I sure did, Giovanni... nothing cleans as well as duck scented soap!

It's little things like this that remind me just how precious my babies are. I'm so lucky to have such funny kids!

Free Christmas Cards

We all love Christmas, we all love cards, we all love Shutterfly, and we all love FREE!!

Follow this link for 50 free shutterfly holiday cards-- it's super simple, click on the link, fill out your info, blog about it, and then they'll send you an email with a coupon for 50 free cards! Pretty sweet deal, huh?! Just make sure to send me a card! ;)

Girls Weekend!

Got all cute to go to dinner at PF Chang's! Yummy!!!
Britty and Autty!
Jenny and I-- what is that face I'm doing?
Hiedi going to the dark side!
Hiedi and I-- LOVE her hair dark-- HATE my bangs look all funky!
My ALL TIME favorite pic of Jess and I!



Cute toes!!!!


October 22-24 Brittany, Jenny, Jess, Hiedi, and I piled in Jenny's suburban for a weekend of girl time!!! Originally we were going to go to Palm Springs but decided that was far so we went and stayed in random Goodyear! I had so much fun with these crazy girls! I must admit, I can be the craziest one at times, but I haven't laughed as hard as I did that weekend in too long!
We had fun getting pedicures, some of us got our eye brows waxed, going out to eat, and most of all shopping our little socks off! We stayed up late laughing like little school girls and calling our hubbies giggling like teenagers in love. It was so fun! I guess that's what happens when you get 5 girls who have 12 kids between them alone for a weekend!
I've been blessed to have these amazing ladies as my friends for a few years now.. . Britt and I met the Summer before 8th grade and have been besties for what feels like forever, I thought I knew everything there was to know about this girl but I learned this weekend I was way wrong!! I saw a silly side of Britt that I haven't seen since we were in high school, and I LOVED it! So fun to see my friend crazy again! ;) Jenny and I met when we lived in the Parkwood ward but have become closer friends since we've moved out-- why is that? lol. Jenny reminds me of myself, super outgoing, funny, and loves to have a good time. Totally loved that Jenny let me play beauty parlor with her and do her make up super glam! I loved seeing Jenny laugh and be crazy and learn things about her that I didn't know before! :) Jess and I met when she started dating her hubby, Adam, who was my friend but soon Adam's friendship was replaced by Jess! Jess is the quiet type who sits and observes and then strikes. Jess has had a rough past year and a half with the passing of her Mom and becoming a new mom herself. This weekend brought the Jess out that I remember before everything happened and I must say I missed her! :) Hiedi married Britt's brothers best friend, I've known Hiedi for about a year and every time we hang out I love her more. Hiedi isn't shy telling you you don't look cute, or that your butt looks too big in those pants and I LOVE her honesty. She does it in a way that doesn't make you realize she just called you fat! lol. Hiedi is sweet and sassy and so much fun! I am so blessed to have these 4 ladies in my life. I couldn't have hand picked a better group of friends, who after our weekend I have to remain friends with forever or the humiliation of all shared will be out for the world to know about!
I love you girls, seriously can't thank you enough for getting my mind off of work, kids, and a chores! I also am so thankful to my amazing hubby who took care of the kids while I went away and had fun. I don't know how I got so lucky with him!
Girls... can't wait for VEGAS!!!!!! ;)

Disneyland!!

September 23-September 30th we went to Disneyland! Bry had a business trip in Santa Barbara September 19-22 so the kids and I drove to pick him up the 22 and enjoy the what should have been cool weather! Little did we know while we were there it was record heat at 111 degrees!! We still had so much fun enjoying all the rides and fun time with cousins, Grammy and Papa, Auntie Summer, Uncle Jared, Uncle Mark, and Aunt Connie celebrating Papa's 70th Birthday!!
I grew up in Southern California, so I was an old timer to Disneyland but let me tell you, taking my kids to Disneyland and seeing their reaction was so cool! It was like experiencing the magic for the first time all over again! The first night we went on Splash Mountain at least 7 times! For sure we picked the best dates to go, the longest line was 45 min and that was the first night for Space Mountain {which Giovanni sat next to me crying the entire time!} after that most lines while we were there were 15 minutes.
The 28th Bry had to fly back to Arizona from Santa Barbara so we took the day and went shopping in LA! Sooo much fun! We were sad Bry had to leave, we were having so much fun! And I wasn't too excited to take 3 kids back to Disneyland the next day by myself! But I survived!!
We really had a great family trip. We LOVED spending time as a family. I really loved that we had so many days there to really enjoy and take our time. We didn't set alarms, we didn't rush. We got there when we got there and that was good for us!
We all had a blast, our feet were tired, we were tired but I must say-- even I can't wait to go back!!

8 is Great!

On August 14 Natali was baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. She was so excited to be baptized and couldn't wait for her special day!
In our new ward (and maybe this is how they do it now, it's been 3 years since Andy got baptized) they do Stake baptisms and have a ward "host" the baptisms. It was not our wards turn, but it was nice to be able to enjoy the speakers and music.
One speaker told all of the kids getting baptized to imagine they were at the carnival and that the rides were all there but they needed work. Some needed oil, some needed paint, the games needed attendants. He said that being a member of the Church was very similar to a carnival. That while you are young you get to enjoy the rides and the games, but as you are older, you still get to enjoy but you also get to enjoy "working" at the carnival as well. I really liked that analogy. It helped me to remember how important callings are in the church.
We were so excited to have so many friends and family members with us to share Natali's special day! We loved having everyone come over after for lunch, too! Thank you for everyone who shared in our sweet girls special day!
I am so proud of Natali and the testimony she is developing. She loves to write in her journal and read her scriptures. She loves going to Activity Days also! I love seeing my little sweet heart developing her testimony and seeing her share her light with others!
Congrats, Nati-do on getting baptized and becoming a member of the Church! I love you!

Alive... I think...

It has been so long since I blogged last, I just thought I'd let you all know we are still alive and I have sooo much to blog about!!

Like...

Natali's baptism
Our trip to Disneyland

BUT those are going to have to wait because my little bugs are watching The Princess and the Frog on my computer with all of my pics on it... rats!

In the mean time, you'll just have to know we had a super good August and September and you'll be updated shortly! :)