Many of you already know, but in case you didn't... I had a miscarriage on Friday July 2nd. I will just say my heart is broken. After 3 plus years of trying to have a baby the thought of actually being blessed with one was so exciting. Our kids talked about the baby on a daily basis. Giovanni kissed my belly several times every day. The thing that was so strange about everything, the whole time I was nervous. I never fully could wrap my mind around the fact that we would be having a baby. I was so excited, but very, very nervous. Not that it made miscarring any easier. My heart still hurts. I laid in bed and cried with my kids and hubby most of the day Saturday. I'm trying to be strong, and have faith that one day when the time is right we will have a baby, but it's hard. I want one now. I'm angry, sad, frustrated, and a thousand other emotions right now. I know that the Lord knows what is best, and He schedules while I plan, but, nothing is making me take comfort in that right now. Especially when we were leaving to go swimming Friday night and Giovanni said,"I wish the baby were here still" my heart broke.
I am thankful for the Priesthood blessings both Bryant and I received from my Dad. I take comfort in the words that were spoken. I am thankful for a loving family who realize that at a drop of a hat I cry. I feel so blessed to have friends who are willing to listen to me say over and over how bad this sucks. I am thankful for the many prayers that were said for my family. I'm trying to make goals for myself so I don't slide deeper into the dark, this week my goal is not to cry. Well, at least not in public or at work. Good things will happen for my family, and we have seen blessings this past week that we weren't expecting. One being Bry got {and accepted} an amazing job offer. I guess the thing is, it's so easy to just be sad. It's so easy to want to lay in bed and cry and think about how bad this sucks. It's so easy to let myself go to that dark place. But we all know just because it's easy doesn't make it right. Sorry, I'll stop my huge run on of a sentence now. Again, thank you for the calls, the stop in's, and all the prayers.
11 comments:
oh autumn, i am so sorry. i hurt for you! and look how sweet you are, commenting on our newest addition, something that you yourself want so badly. i miscarried once before i got pregnant with Celia, but we hadn't been trying for years. i can't imagine...and i know, it is hard to take comfort sometimes in the fact that the Lord knows best. i'll be thinking of and praying for you.
I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. Don't push yourself- grieve the way you need to. If that means crying for a week or a month or longer, being angry or sad, then so be it. Take your time, it is a personal thing and if you push yourself too fast it can make it harder in the long run. You and your family are in our prayers.
Love-
The Snyders
I still hold you in my thoughts and prayers, Autumn. Again, I am so sorry for your loss...I agree with the Snyder family: "grieve the way you need to. Although many have experienced this loss, no one grieves the same...take time for yourself...
Love you.
autumn, i'm sorry sorry for your loss. i admire your strength and your faith. believe it or not, even though i'm not going through what you are going through, your words helped me. and so you know, crying is goodso don't you hold back. love you girl!
:( I'm sorry you are sad.
:( I'm sorry you hurt.
Thinking and praying for your family. Love you
First of all, sweet lady, thank you for having the courage to say what's in your heart and sharing your heartbreak with us. Its imprtant to grieve and let yourself have those feelings. After all, we cannot know happiness without knowing sorrow, joy without knowing pain, feeling the light of His love - sometimes until after a feeling of darkness has tried to consume us. I am praying for you my friend, for your family, and for the burden of pain you are shouldering to be lifted. I send to you all the love in my heart and the testimony that there WILL be joy again in your soul. Turn your heart to your Heavenly Father. He loves you and is waiting to heal you with open arms.
You are so strong Autumn. I have so much respect for your ability to handle these challenging times. I know it must hurt and maybe you feel helpless and hopeless at times, but your loved ones have so much faith in you. You have always been i fighter :)!
The Lord understands your pain and disappointment.
I am confident that your sweet family will once again be blessed
I am sorry to hear that, I myself have had 2 miscarriages and it does suck! It hurts so bad that you feel like your being stabbed in every fiber of your body. I remember i was so divested and so sad that I did just cry alot. I agree with taking it day by day and you should take every moment you can to thank God you are ok. It is a blessing to just breathe and be with the ones we love. I know the pain and trail of Gods time. Believe I do
Autumn I wish we were so much closer, especially at a time like this. Well, I'm a little late getting to this, but I'm so sorry. Don't give up hope. It took my sister 9 years until they finally were blessed with a baby girl. Keep your chin up. Love you lots.
Oh my goodness Autumn. I had no idea. I read the title of your post and hoped that it wasn't a miscarriage. I am SO, SO sorry!!! I've had 1 miscarriage in the 4 years we've been trying, and I don't ever want to go through that again. It really does break your heart. It just seems so unfair that righteous desires are not granted. I hope and pray that you are feeling better and that you will continue to have hope and faith.
Autumn...i'm so terribly sorry. Words cannot express, I know. I know this is hard. I've had 3 myself. You can get through this. there are so many things that are hard about this, and I understand. Stay strong, and it's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad. Let me know if I can help in any way.
Post a Comment