Wasn't Expecting this...

Today I had a dr appointment with a new obgyn. It's going on 4 years that Bry and I have been trying to have a baby. It's a discouraging, heartbreaking, frustrating path. Just when we thought we were going to have what we've been wanting I miscarried. So frustrating. Last year before I got pregnant a rep came into my office and we started talking somehow the topic got on pregnancy and I found out that she had a hard time trying to conceive as well. She mentioned the dr she went to and how he was a "miracle worker" and I should go to him. I thought about it but then got pregnant and didn't think I needed him. A few weeks ago a patient came into my office and we started talking and she tells me she was trying to get pregnant before and she went to this amazing dr, who happened to be the same dr the rep told me about. I went home that night and talked to Bry about it. I told him I wanted to see this guy and just see what he had to say. Maybe he could help, and maybe not, but I wanted to try before moving forward. Sunday Bry and I were talking to our Bishop and I told him about how frustrated/angry/sad I'd been about not being able to have a baby. He gave me some amazing advice that the Lord knows my desires and knows my heart and will put me in touch with the right people who will be able to help me. He reminded me nothing happens by accident.
Today was my appointment. I was nervous and excited. Usually when you go see a new doc it's mostly, "we'll do blood work and see what happens". I went in and right away had an ultrasound. During this the doc was showing me things he was talking about and explaining things I didn't know about my body. He found a huge cyst that he is concerned with but gave me medication to help it shrink, if that doesn't work I will have to have surgery. After asking me a ton of questions he tells me, "Well, we know what is wrong, now let's fix it". I've known that I have PCOS but I found out today that I also have endometriosis. Talking to the dr I found out that he is a former Bishop who specializes in women with PCOS and/or endometriosis. I was in the right place. I was given some scripts and a shot in the bum, and sent on my way for a few weeks unless the cyst ruptures {comforting, right?}.
Though it is not what I was expecting, I am so thankful to know what it is that is "wrong" with me. I am so thankful that I was in the right place at the right time. I'm so thankful that this sweet Dr took over an hour explaining things to me and telling me that everything will be alright. I'm not saying I'm not scared, I am. I'm not saying that I won't go through moments of discouragement, I'm sure I will. But I know that I am seeing the right doc for me. I am thankful for the Lord's tender mercies in reassuring us that He really does know my heart and my desires. I'm thankful He put me in contact with the right people, though I didn't realize it at the time. I feel great comfort and peace, and for that I am extra thankful.

Sunday Fun day!

Yesterday was a super great day! We had a super good day at church, a super good meeting with our super sweet Bishop, came home and took a super good and much needed nap (the one perk I have found to having 8 am church!), then made and ate some super yummy food while the boys watched the super football game and the girls had a super sunday craft day!

I will say the cheering was a little distracting and I burnt myself on the glue gun (my battle wound), but I am so proud of myself and Jess for the awesome job we did! I couldn't have gotten all of my "pretties" done had it not been for my Mom, too! Even Natali joined in on the crafting fun! We loved chatting, laughing, eating, and seeing the progress of our crafts!

Holy deal!!

So after my third contact in a row tore in my eye this week I found myself without any contacts left! I have an astigmatism in both eyes so my contacts are a bit pricey, being a {at times} bargain shopper I went on the hunt for the best deal for my contacts! My sweet co-worker and good friend told me about coastalcontacts.com so I checked it out and let me tell you... if you need contacts, glasses, or even sunglasses you will thank me for telling you about them! Everywhere I tried wanted around $67 a box for my contacts, so a years supply would have been $268... I ordered a years supply from coastalcontacts.com for $108!!! You get free shipping on orders over $99 and they are way quick to get to you!

A great deal I just couldn't keep to myself! :)

Don't Judge...the most honest post I've written

My life has been crazy the past few months. I have done things that I'm not proud of that have ruined friendships, which makes it that much harder. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to mistakes I've made. I will be the first to tell you that I'm a bad Mom, I'm late to everything, I'm not perfect. I have lost sight of so many things in my life. So many things. I have been in a horrible depression since I had my miscarriage in July. Depression is an ugly thing. I knew what I was feeling, but instead of taking the bull by the horns and doing something about it I decided to go in a downward spiral and make matters worse. It kills me to know that my due date is in 2 days. I try to think positively about the whole situation, but the thoughts that haunt my mind are what I did wrong to cause this... though I know these things happen and nothing could have prevented this. I hate that I took my depression and pushed people away, and did hurtful things. I hate the person I have been. I can't tell you the last time I've been to church. I justified this because I don't feel very welcome in my "new" {we are going on 8 months in this house} ward. What a horrible example I've been to my children. So many times I've found myself wanting to say a prayer, feel comforted, but didn't feel worthy of that. I'm so ashamed at myself for my actions over the past 6 months. Then it hit me...
I CAN change. The Lord has a plan, and the atonement is for EVERYONE, not just for everyone BUT me. I know my road will be a long one. I know that I will go through times where I feel sad and lonely, but it's do or die time.
I hope those I've offended read this. I hope they realize that I am trying... it's hard to change when your past is a constant reminder. I truly am sorry that the friendships that have been ruined are over. I'm sorry that I wasn't stronger, that I didn't have more faith, that I wasn't a better person. Hopefully forgiveness will happen and the hurt and pain will leave.
I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm not scared, because I am, but I'm more scared of what I will become if I don't follow through with my changes. Already I see such a difference in my family and in my relationship with Bry. I'm thankful for that.
I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to repent of the things I have done and put the past behind me. I'm hopeful that my future will be bright and full of friends that love me for me and stand by me through everything. I know that what I have to do is going to take a lot of work on my part, but I know that it will be worth it in the end...

Duck Soap

I realized lately that my kids are pretty funny and I need to be documenting this for later in life when I need good blackmail stories to tell! :)

A few weeks ago we were at the store and I remembered I needed dish soap so we go down the aisle and I grab the soap. When we got home I unloaded our groceries and Giovanni decided to help me. He gets the soap out and in the happiest voice EVER he says, "Ohhhh good Mom, you bought the duck scented soap again!" Yep, I sure did, Giovanni... nothing cleans as well as duck scented soap!

It's little things like this that remind me just how precious my babies are. I'm so lucky to have such funny kids!

Free Christmas Cards

We all love Christmas, we all love cards, we all love Shutterfly, and we all love FREE!!

Follow this link for 50 free shutterfly holiday cards-- it's super simple, click on the link, fill out your info, blog about it, and then they'll send you an email with a coupon for 50 free cards! Pretty sweet deal, huh?! Just make sure to send me a card! ;)

Girls Weekend!

Got all cute to go to dinner at PF Chang's! Yummy!!!
Britty and Autty!
Jenny and I-- what is that face I'm doing?
Hiedi going to the dark side!
Hiedi and I-- LOVE her hair dark-- HATE my bangs look all funky!
My ALL TIME favorite pic of Jess and I!



Cute toes!!!!


October 22-24 Brittany, Jenny, Jess, Hiedi, and I piled in Jenny's suburban for a weekend of girl time!!! Originally we were going to go to Palm Springs but decided that was far so we went and stayed in random Goodyear! I had so much fun with these crazy girls! I must admit, I can be the craziest one at times, but I haven't laughed as hard as I did that weekend in too long!
We had fun getting pedicures, some of us got our eye brows waxed, going out to eat, and most of all shopping our little socks off! We stayed up late laughing like little school girls and calling our hubbies giggling like teenagers in love. It was so fun! I guess that's what happens when you get 5 girls who have 12 kids between them alone for a weekend!
I've been blessed to have these amazing ladies as my friends for a few years now.. . Britt and I met the Summer before 8th grade and have been besties for what feels like forever, I thought I knew everything there was to know about this girl but I learned this weekend I was way wrong!! I saw a silly side of Britt that I haven't seen since we were in high school, and I LOVED it! So fun to see my friend crazy again! ;) Jenny and I met when we lived in the Parkwood ward but have become closer friends since we've moved out-- why is that? lol. Jenny reminds me of myself, super outgoing, funny, and loves to have a good time. Totally loved that Jenny let me play beauty parlor with her and do her make up super glam! I loved seeing Jenny laugh and be crazy and learn things about her that I didn't know before! :) Jess and I met when she started dating her hubby, Adam, who was my friend but soon Adam's friendship was replaced by Jess! Jess is the quiet type who sits and observes and then strikes. Jess has had a rough past year and a half with the passing of her Mom and becoming a new mom herself. This weekend brought the Jess out that I remember before everything happened and I must say I missed her! :) Hiedi married Britt's brothers best friend, I've known Hiedi for about a year and every time we hang out I love her more. Hiedi isn't shy telling you you don't look cute, or that your butt looks too big in those pants and I LOVE her honesty. She does it in a way that doesn't make you realize she just called you fat! lol. Hiedi is sweet and sassy and so much fun! I am so blessed to have these 4 ladies in my life. I couldn't have hand picked a better group of friends, who after our weekend I have to remain friends with forever or the humiliation of all shared will be out for the world to know about!
I love you girls, seriously can't thank you enough for getting my mind off of work, kids, and a chores! I also am so thankful to my amazing hubby who took care of the kids while I went away and had fun. I don't know how I got so lucky with him!
Girls... can't wait for VEGAS!!!!!! ;)