Wednesday, September 19, 2007

We Plan, The Lord Schedules

Bryant is famous for saying we plan but the Lord schedules...
For everyone who doesn't know Bryant and I are trying to have a baby. We haven't been preventing anything from happening since we got married (6 months ago) and nothing has happened. I have totally irregular periods and so I was 100% certain I wasn't ovulating so in July I went to the OBGYN to start to try and figure out what was happening and what we could do to fix the problem. When I scheduled my first appointment I was told that I could see a NP and get in like months sooner, so I did... Susan is my NP and she was awesome... totally supportive of me wanting to have a baby and wanted to get the ball rolling. They took a ton of tests and found that I have PCOS, they gave me Provera to start me on a regular cycle and then told me to come get more blood work done the 27th day of my cycle. Like a good little girl, I did. About 10 days or so later Susan called me and told me that I would have to see the Dr to go further in my quest to have a baby... she didn't tell me why and I didn't really ask I just made an appointment and tried to think positively.
Yesterday I went to see Dr. Howard for the first time. When the Dr came in he got straight to the point. My testosterone levels were elevated and because of that ovulation is inhibited. He was speaking a foreign language... what did this mean? What can I do to fix this? The answers came too loud and clear for my taste. I would be put on birth control for 6 months to try and lower my testosterone level (it was 83 and the lower the testosterone (below 30) the more likely you are to ovulate and get pregnant). Tears streamed down my face, I couldn't help it. I thought I was going in to get instructions on taking Clomid and now I'm being told that for another 6 months I won't be doing anything but preventing pregnancy. I was totally devastated. To top it off Dr. Howard felt inclined to let me know that I could do my part in trying to lose 50 pounds over the next 6 months also. I want to lose weight, I know that for the health of myself and my baby it is the best thing. I just wish it were as simple as saying it. I left Dr.Howard's feeling defeated.
I know the Lord has a bigger plan than I do. I know the Lord will guide and direct my life and that one day I will have children that have my DNA. As much as I would love for this blog to be about me finding out I was pregnant, it's not, but I can say I feel great peace and know that the Lord is watching over me, that He loves me, and knows my desires. I will do my part and take Dr.Howard's advice and the rest is in the Lord's hands.

1 comment:

Pure Images said...

Autumn, I know saying Im sorry isn't going to help. =( Just know that the Lord has a plan for all of us. Just say on the path you are, and everything will turn out ok. I love you, please let me know if you need anything. =)